What is 50 Shades of Grey about?

It is not about a billionaire. It is not about being a virgin or innocence. It is not about BDSM at all. It has nothing to do with sex. Absolutely, especially not about sex.

It is about passive aggressive relationships. Most men are passive aggressive. (Angries Out)  Some women are passive aggressive to the core too. But typically men are the ones who have a hard time expressing their feelings. They are afraid of getting hurt, rejected, humiliated, and more. So, they decide to not share their feelings. They expect their wife or the partner to read their mind. And most of them do a good job of choosing the rescuer as a partner. So, the cycle starts. The man starts a silent treatment, and the woman looks inside and thinks and over thinks and goes crazy trying to figure out what went wrong. She tries to get an answer, some answer. And when she finally does, it does not make any sense. Because the whole thing looks like she went in with full knowledge and got flogged so it is not the man’s fault!! She asked for it.

He cannot connect with other people lovingly so he chooses to connect with BDSM in which he is the one flogging. He needs to punish someone. And that someone has to be submissive and happy with the pain. If they really loved him, they would tolerate the pain and still love him.

He cannot make love. He can have emotionless, connectionless sex only!!

He has to protect himself with a contract. Once the women signs the contract, he will really show his colors. Till then it seems like the ball is in her court. She can make him strike off all the things she does not like thinking she in charge and protecting herself and making him do what she wants only. But at some point she feels sorry for striking off his favorite things and she will agree to it too.

He is nice to her. Makes sure she is taken care of. Makes sure she is in his circle and under his command. Then he punishes her and insults her and humiliates her. But he still comes out to protect her and take care of her.
He insists he can only do so much because of something that might have happened a million years ago. But he knows exactly what he wants and needs and cant give. How else does he know what to deny her? How does he furnish his crib with all the goodies?

She feels pain. She feels lonely. She is there for his needs, but what is she in this relationship? She does not understand. She does not understand how much more of this uncertainty she can take. She wants to feel him. She wants to feel connection. She fights for it and begs to do something.

This is a confusing time for both of them, they both do not know what exactly they want. He wants her to be in a corner while he goes on with his life and occasionally acknowledges her. She know he is a great guy but she feels so empty and blank, she wants to just understand what he wants.

Then finally, he lets his guard down and tells her or shows her what he really wants. She then realizes how messed up he really is, how messed up this situation really is and walks away.

The author of this book mentions that this product was a result of midlife crisis. And it is a product of midlife crisis. (A realization of what she wanted and what she could have done to deal with a passive aggressive relationship.)

Many women out there are in relationships or married to incredible men. But these men are passive aggressive. They are good in person and on paper. But they can never give the women the connection they want or the love they deserve.

The Girl in this book (Anastasia) walks away from a successful, handsome, protective, talented guy after she realizes  how messed up he is.
This is what most women fantasize about. Not the sex or money!!
Walking away from emptiness is the ultimate fantasy!!
Having the guts to reject the comforts and glamorous life is the fantasy.
Saying NO to the chains is the fantasy.
Not being tied down for the sake of love or commitment or society is the fantasy.
Having clarity is the fantasy.
Not living in denial is the fantasy.
Breaking free from a life of reading the partners minds because they just won't talk to them
Not trying to make sense of their actions.

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Hey, I did not read the book. I did not watch the movie either. I only watched videos like - Everything Wrong With Fifty Shades Of Grey, Honest Trailers - Fifty Shades of Grey, 50 Shades of Grey - Movie Review AND Read these and laughed my tail off - Dumbest most disturbing moments 50 shades Grey, Call fifty shades stupid article

The Bragging Rights

People like to brag. They like to justify their lives and their life choices. So, they brag.

It is not just a competition between Homemakers and professionals, Men or women, Rich or poor, Bold or scared, Happy or sad. People like to brag. It is not just these days. It has been happening since the beginning of times. 

In ancient times in societies where women were not allowed to work at all in public, still competed with each other - 

"I have 7 kids", 
"I have 4 kids and all are male, while you have only 2 male kids", 
"My husband has 4 wives but I am his favorite", 
"I am fair in complexion", 
"I got so much gold and so much in property when I got married", 
"My 60 year old husband paid so much money to marry me as his 5th wife when I was 12 itself. you had to pay for your man."
"I married my husband because my dad told me to, I am such a good daughter"
"I ran away to get married to the man of my dream, nobody tells me how to live my life."

My dad and a bunch of his friends had a party - 
"I had a heart thing done twice now"
"My heart thing was done in UK not in India"
"I had a heart thing and appendix removed"
"All of my teeth have been removed in Australia, I have American dentures."
There was a young doctor in the party, he came along to drop off his dad, and just stayed in the party. Since he did not have anything to complain about, he was party pooper.

Celebrating fewer women

It is understandable to get enraged and saddened by the choices people make. It is easy to point fingers at them, like their choices were intended to be cruel. But there is a silver lining to the choice and I have listed them below. And more good is happening in future thanks to the choice.


To all the fathers and mothers, grandparents, who made the choice or forced the decision to abort the female child - "Thank you"

1. Thank you for saving them from being born into homes that could not love them.

2. Thank you for saving them from sudden abandonment.

3. Thank you for saving them from a world that is so unkind.

4. Thank you for saving them from all the humiliation and insults because of their genitalia.

5. Thank you for saving them from a second citizen servant life.

6. Thank you for saving them from being born into homes that could have ended up selling them for sex in return for money.

7. Thank you for saving them from being married to older men just because it is necessary to get rid of them from the house.

8. Thank you for saving them from being married into something they did not understand.

9. Thank you for saving them from having utterly terrible lives if they had lost their husbands.

10. Thank you for saving them from making the decision to abort another female life.

BTW – I am pro-choice, I do not see anything wrong with making a decision based on the conception process, mothers health, fetus’ health, financial readiness, social readiness, etc. But, I am biased on pro-choice based on the gender. Then again, it is better to choose the lesser of two evils. A life time of pain versus no birth seems merciful. 

1. Since we have fewer girls, they might be loved and wanted by the parents.

2. Since we have fewer girls, they might be respected and treated well by the husbands.

3. Now, we have less girls for the boys to marry and hopefully only the best men will get to procreate and the weaklings could cease to exist.

4. Now, we have a way to control the world population which is also a big concern.

5. The fewer girls born may be able to make better decisions for the future.

P.s: I am being sarcastic. I am deeply disturbed by all the images of the infanticide. 

Over Privillaged and Under Estimated

A few months ago I saw on the news where a ten year old boy in Africa who was working manual labor jobs to raise his five year old sister and three year old brother. He sacrificed his daily meals to feed them some days. Their parent both were dead and so the responsibility to take care of the family fell on the eldest person who survived in the family.

My kid showed interest in putting away the laundry when he was fourteen month old. He showed interest in cooking when he was eighteen months old. He learnt to read all by watching PBSKids.com – Word World. I felt he was way mature than I give him credit. I talked to my kid about sex, same sex and death when he was hardly five years old. 

As far as my memories go as a child I was curious about sexes, marriages and babies, God, life, etc. I did not have anybody explain to me about anything. So, I wanted to be the one to explain things about the human life instead of a creepy neighbor.

Most parents who I think are pragmatic don’t see anything wrong in what I did to him at a young age. But seldom, I come across parents who believe that my son’s innocence is gone and I am a terrible mother for explaining so much to a child.

An under privileged kid can be so responsible for his siblings. Why should our over privileged kids supposed to be sealed from not just responsibility and reality but also from the normal things of the world in the name of childhood? What are we really protecting them from? Why are we boring them with activities and not talking about life? Why are we shielding them from a danger that does not really exist?

Doing chores is good, and all, but common they are boring to us and to the kids too. 

Earning trophies for showing up feels awesome to the kids self esteem, but it really is not. 

Home work and tuition and extra math are very educational, but they are not really teaching the kids to learn.

Talking to them instead of brain washing them is an awesome way to learn about them.

Talking about any taboo subject to the kids will open up our minds. 

Kids React to Gay Marriage

The thing is kids are pretty amazing. They have a sense of morality even before they are exposed to any religion or moral code they are supposed to, especially when they are asked to think and decide for themselves. They are very forgiving. They are very caring. They want to be forgiving and caring and responsible. But they seldom get the chance to show greatness that is not staged.

My Prayer

Two lion cubs playing together = Sisters

A group of dolphins playing together = Cousins

Two rams fighting with their horns = In-Laws

 A penguin protecting its new born in a harsh snow storm = Father

Earth zooming out = Mother

I witnessed the world’s greatest prayer at the San Diego Sea World during Shamu show.

Science is My Religion

I have been questioned about which religion I belong to almost by every person I met on the planet of this earth who spoke to me. BTW - I don’t enjoy bashing religion or other religions. I mean there is more than what meets the eye.

To my knowledge, I was born in India to “Hindu” couple. (If you want to know, they come from different castes). So, does that mean, I am a Hindu?

I was told to go to the temples during Hindu festivals, Churches during the Christian holidays, and Mosques whenever. We all made it a point to especially visit the Gods’ houses right before the test results were released to ask them to magically change the scores (cliché). My mom loved all Gods. She included Gods and Goddesses she ever heard about in her prayer room. She also made sure we did not discriminate against any of the Gods.

My dad made sure we read the Bhagavat Gita, Holy Bible and Holy Quran. I can’t speak about my siblings, but I think I read the first pages of all three books. I really wanted to read all those books to be close to God and to be a good human being. But those books were too fat like 100 times the size of any comic book I had read. Hey, I remember the cover of the books till date (I think).

I learnt about a few rules and regulations each religion imposed on its devoted followers. I despised all of them. Come-on I was rebel and I did not like the concept of following the teachings from a guy who died thousands of years before I was born. How can a rule or regulation from a thousand years still be relevant to the current situations and times? Following it blindly, is following it blindly. There is no meaning in it, there is not beauty in it, and there is no love in it.

Over the years, I also learn about the origins of some of these religious rules and the original rules that have been modified and hybridized as per convenience. This caught my attention; I had more leverage to argue against the holy men. I also understood and really liked the fact that some customs were actually adopted from other religions.

I enjoyed any bit of science behind a religious rule. I felt religion tried to make the lay man follow the beneficiary science in the name of God will, which is in fact a cleaver thing to do. (BTW, I absolutely hate all the rules where the God men imposed on the lay man where the God man got to enjoy the benefits). I found that there are several things I liked in each religion I came across.

There was also a time when I decided to not believe in Gods and Goddesses of any kind. But when I think long and hard about the innocent concept of higher beings who want us to be the best we can, it is so beautiful. I did not want to distance myself from that.

What if I believed and loved all religions in the world? What if I followed all the silly little things that I liked from each religion?

If I was in a party (the world), and everyone had a balloon (religion), I would have more fun by having a bunch of balloons in all colors and shapes. It would be great time pass to poke fun of others balloons and argue mine was the best. But having more instead of one or none is a lot more fun. So, that is exactly what I did.

I don’t have a name for my religion and hope I will never have one.

Since COSMOS proved to me about how I came into existence. About how the iron in the sun ended up in my blood and more, it was clear to me that my actual parents are the Sun and the Earth. We are always very enthusiastic to worship our creators. Since the Sun and the Earth created me, they are my Gods. 

I will worship them by respecting and using more of the natural resources like the solar power from the Sun and try to leave as small of a carbon foot print by being organic on my Mother Earth.

I am very thankful to be born in an age where my beliefs are respected even if they are not understood.

I stopped searching for the Needy

One day when I was young, I went through an experience, which made me start to see things a bit differently. One day our relatives came to our home visiting. It was 7:00PM and as usual the power was cut. There was not enough time to make and serve in the 15 minutes he was staying. So my mother asked me to buy some snacks form the nearest sweet shop. The shop was just a mile away.

I went on my sunny (motor bike). While the sweets were being packed, I wanted to buy some snacks for me and my cousin and so, I went to the nearest snack stall.

Right then I saw an old homeless man ‘begging the stall owner for some snacks. He was starving’. The stall owner seeing me approaching the stall for purchasing didn’t want to loose his customers. So he threatened the homeless guy to leave or to beat him up. The old homeless guy determined to get some food came to me begging. I asked the stall owner for $10 snacks. While he was packing, I asked him if he sold snacks  worth $2. The stall owner said of course and packed the $2 first.

I took the packet and turned to the homeless man and offered it to him. The man was speechless and took it with great thankfulness. I did not expect this much of emotions from him. I knew I was helping him or giving him food. But I did not expect this much for $2.

I couldn’t get the old homeless man out of my mind. So, the next day with a good intention of feeding the old man, I went to the stall and asked for him. I waited and waited for more than an hour. It was already 7:30Pm and it was not a good thing for teenage girls to roam around in the dark even on sunnys. So, I instructed the stall owner to give the old man some snacks and paid him $2.

I went home and was restless. After a while I told my family about what had happened a day before and how I wanted to help the old guy again. My mom who had just come from the kitchen to call everyone to dinner heard this and said to me that I was a very selfish person. I was hurt. I was confused too. I kept quite through the dinner.

After the dinner and the dishes, I asked my mom about why she called me selfish. To that my mom replied  - "You are not wrong in wanting to help a man. You are wrong in hoping a man to starve, so that you could help him".

And she was right. It was selfish of me to want a old homeless person starve, so that I could have the opportunity to help him out. I learned to not go looking for needy people. I still do what I can, but don't assume that they cannot (or should not) live without my help.