After I first came to America 20 years ago, for the first time in my life, I experienced being treated like a human being with a brain. I am included in all conversations and my ideas are listened to with respect and respectful criticism. I am not going to say Misogyny does not exist in Americans, but I have not faced misogyny from an American be it men or women.
10 years ago a distant older relative got to meet me for the first time and I instantly had respect for him because of his PhD in Mathematics. He liked me too. He constantly said, his wife took care of the family and kids (while working as a teacher), so he only does Math. When I told him, I can do it all, a job, children and QA publications all alone, he told me directly that my first duty as a woman was to my husband and taking care of him and I was wasting my time on professional things.
A few years ago I was part of a Ride-share with a group of 6 people (3 men and 3 women including me). When ever the men had a conversation the women stayed silent. I chimed into the conversations after all we are all techies and the topic was about technology. None of the men listened to my conversation. The men ignored me and continued the conversation. The women looked at me uncomfortably, not sympathizing but like - Don't you know to shut up when men are talking? All of the Ride-share members were from India living here for 1 to 5 years.
I think I lived in America for too long that I can't recognize Misogyny immediately.
The above examples are easy to recognize the expected gender roles even while having a professional conversation. But how does one realize or recognize passive aggressive misogyny? Which is hidden anger. It is not just expected gender roles. It is hidden anger towards women.
A shy male colleague who is very soft spoken and keeps his head down. But when is he put in an environment with smart women absolutely defies their instructions and tries to pit women members against women when that does not work, he goes to his male bosses and complains how innocent he is. On the surface it looks like an obedient guy. But it is not shyness rather incompetence. He is angry with women especially smart women.
Why this anger? Typically passive aggressive misogyny is a result a boy being raised in strong female household where men have little or no voice. Their anger is hidden and growing for a very long time. He cant go against the women in his own household. So, he tries his best to put down the women he has to work with and gets his kicks. Be it his Wife or experienced colleagues.
10 years ago a distant older relative got to meet me for the first time and I instantly had respect for him because of his PhD in Mathematics. He liked me too. He constantly said, his wife took care of the family and kids (while working as a teacher), so he only does Math. When I told him, I can do it all, a job, children and QA publications all alone, he told me directly that my first duty as a woman was to my husband and taking care of him and I was wasting my time on professional things.
A few years ago I was part of a Ride-share with a group of 6 people (3 men and 3 women including me). When ever the men had a conversation the women stayed silent. I chimed into the conversations after all we are all techies and the topic was about technology. None of the men listened to my conversation. The men ignored me and continued the conversation. The women looked at me uncomfortably, not sympathizing but like - Don't you know to shut up when men are talking? All of the Ride-share members were from India living here for 1 to 5 years.
I think I lived in America for too long that I can't recognize Misogyny immediately.
The above examples are easy to recognize the expected gender roles even while having a professional conversation. But how does one realize or recognize passive aggressive misogyny? Which is hidden anger. It is not just expected gender roles. It is hidden anger towards women.
A shy male colleague who is very soft spoken and keeps his head down. But when is he put in an environment with smart women absolutely defies their instructions and tries to pit women members against women when that does not work, he goes to his male bosses and complains how innocent he is. On the surface it looks like an obedient guy. But it is not shyness rather incompetence. He is angry with women especially smart women.
Why this anger? Typically passive aggressive misogyny is a result a boy being raised in strong female household where men have little or no voice. Their anger is hidden and growing for a very long time. He cant go against the women in his own household. So, he tries his best to put down the women he has to work with and gets his kicks. Be it his Wife or experienced colleagues.
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