My Soulmate

Love…..

I have been falling in love all my life. I have been using the word soulmate too on and off all through my life. Then I got pregnant. I never wanted kids, but there was no reason to not want the baby. I did not go through morning sickness at all. Plus I was super hyper all through the pregnancy. Then I had a 10 lbs baby. 12 hours prior to going under the knife (I am 5.2 and he was 10 lbs) for the C-section I was planning on going back to work in 6 weeks after handing the baby to a nanny.

Once he came out of me. I fell for him. I fell head over heels for him. He looked at me and smiled. When they took him away to weigh him he cried and I cried. I got him back. I started to nurse him 20 mins after he was born. I was disoriented but did not want to let go of him. They let me keep him with me all the time and I did. I hugged him and kissed him and he gave me tons and tons of smiles.

A few weeks later I just put him down and I went into the kitchen to fix a meal. He cried loudly. I went running to him. He gave me the biggest smile. The joy in his eyes and his smile showed me all the love he has for me. I felt love for the first time in my life.

I tried and tried to please all the men and women in my life – dad, mom, sister, brother, friends, cousins, grand-parents, husband, boyfriends and the list could go on. It is never enough for them. No matter how much.

This little creature that just came into the world accepted me, all of me and gave me all the love he had. I experienced love for the first time in my life. He just wanted to see me. Wanted to be held.

He stood with me, by me through thick and thin. He gave me courage, so much courage and made me what I am today. He loved me for the rewards and forgave me for my mistakes. He loved me unconditionally. When I think about it, I don’t think I could have given him half the love he gave me.

He is my soulmate. Sure, I am not married to him. Why does a soulmate have to be all about marriage. My baby is my soulmate.

What is 50 Shades of Grey about?

It is not about a billionaire. It is not about being a virgin or innocence. It is not about BDSM at all. It has nothing to do with sex. Absolutely, especially not about sex.

It is about passive aggressive relationships. Most men are passive aggressive. (Angries Out)  Some women are passive aggressive to the core too. But typically men are the ones who have a hard time expressing their feelings. They are afraid of getting hurt, rejected, humiliated, and more. So, they decide to not share their feelings. They expect their wife or the partner to read their mind. And most of them do a good job of choosing the rescuer as a partner. So, the cycle starts. The man starts a silent treatment, and the woman looks inside and thinks and over thinks and goes crazy trying to figure out what went wrong. She tries to get an answer, some answer. And when she finally does, it does not make any sense. Because the whole thing looks like she went in with full knowledge and got flogged so it is not the man’s fault!! She asked for it.

He cannot connect with other people lovingly so he chooses to connect with BDSM in which he is the one flogging. He needs to punish someone. And that someone has to be submissive and happy with the pain. If they really loved him, they would tolerate the pain and still love him.

He cannot make love. He can have emotionless, connectionless sex only!!

He has to protect himself with a contract. Once the women signs the contract, he will really show his colors. Till then it seems like the ball is in her court. She can make him strike off all the things she does not like thinking she in charge and protecting herself and making him do what she wants only. But at some point she feels sorry for striking off his favorite things and she will agree to it too.

He is nice to her. Makes sure she is taken care of. Makes sure she is in his circle and under his command. Then he punishes her and insults her and humiliates her. But he still comes out to protect her and take care of her.
He insists he can only do so much because of something that might have happened a million years ago. But he knows exactly what he wants and needs and cant give. How else does he know what to deny her? How does he furnish his crib with all the goodies?

She feels pain. She feels lonely. She is there for his needs, but what is she in this relationship? She does not understand. She does not understand how much more of this uncertainty she can take. She wants to feel him. She wants to feel connection. She fights for it and begs to do something.

This is a confusing time for both of them, they both do not know what exactly they want. He wants her to be in a corner while he goes on with his life and occasionally acknowledges her. She know he is a great guy but she feels so empty and blank, she wants to just understand what he wants.

Then finally, he lets his guard down and tells her or shows her what he really wants. She then realizes how messed up he really is, how messed up this situation really is and walks away.

The author of this book mentions that this product was a result of midlife crisis. And it is a product of midlife crisis. (A realization of what she wanted and what she could have done to deal with a passive aggressive relationship.)

Many women out there are in relationships or married to incredible men. But these men are passive aggressive. They are good in person and on paper. But they can never give the women the connection they want or the love they deserve.

The Girl in this book (Anastasia) walks away from a successful, handsome, protective, talented guy after she realizes  how messed up he is.
This is what most women fantasize about. Not the sex or money!!
Walking away from emptiness is the ultimate fantasy!!
Having the guts to reject the comforts and glamorous life is the fantasy.
Saying NO to the chains is the fantasy.
Not being tied down for the sake of love or commitment or society is the fantasy.
Having clarity is the fantasy.
Not living in denial is the fantasy.
Breaking free from a life of reading the partners minds because they just won't talk to them
Not trying to make sense of their actions.

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Hey, I did not read the book. I did not watch the movie either. I only watched videos like - Everything Wrong With Fifty Shades Of Grey, Honest Trailers - Fifty Shades of Grey, 50 Shades of Grey - Movie Review AND Read these and laughed my tail off - Dumbest most disturbing moments 50 shades Grey, Call fifty shades stupid article

The Bragging Rights

People like to brag. They like to justify their lives and their life choices. So, they brag.

It is not just a competition between Homemakers and professionals, Men or women, Rich or poor, Bold or scared, Happy or sad. People like to brag. It is not just these days. It has been happening since the beginning of times. 

In ancient times in societies where women were not allowed to work at all in public, still competed with each other - 

"I have 7 kids", 
"I have 4 kids and all are male, while you have only 2 male kids", 
"My husband has 4 wives but I am his favorite", 
"I am fair in complexion", 
"I got so much gold and so much in property when I got married", 
"My 60 year old husband paid so much money to marry me as his 5th wife when I was 12 itself. you had to pay for your man."
"I married my husband because my dad told me to, I am such a good daughter"
"I ran away to get married to the man of my dream, nobody tells me how to live my life."

My dad and a bunch of his friends had a party - 
"I had a heart thing done twice now"
"My heart thing was done in UK not in India"
"I had a heart thing and appendix removed"
"All of my teeth have been removed in Australia, I have American dentures."
There was a young doctor in the party, he came along to drop off his dad, and just stayed in the party. Since he did not have anything to complain about, he was party pooper.